高中作文公开课讲评.ppt

作文讲评 作文较好的同学（18分以上） 谢勤 杨乐 韩笑 汪文慧 请思考 为什么第二篇语言不比第一篇差，但分数却低得多呢？ 第一篇字迹清楚，卷面整洁。 第一篇由于用了较多的连接词每段内的条理更清楚，一目了然。 第一篇段落分得很清楚，而第二篇最后一段…… 避免常用单词拼写错误 communicat oppinion truely mordern enjoies massage monther paly a children childrens slove lifes communicate opinion truly modern enjoys message mother play A child children solve lives 忽视词性,错误严重 wide our horizon we can chatting As the time going by ignore the communicate with their parents share theirs opinion It is not benefit to our study widen our horizon we can chat With the time going by As the time goes by …the communication … share their opinion It is not beneficial to our study 句式错误千奇百怪 The boy is playing the computer doesn’t want to talk with his mother. The boy who is playing/playing the computer … Many students are addicted to chatting online ignore the significance of communicating with their parents. Many students who are addicted/addicted to chatting online… Lots of teenagers would rather playing computer games than talking with their parents. Lots of teenagers would rather play computer games than talk with their parents. Talking with our parents is important, it can help us communicate with each other better. Talking with our parents is important, which can help us communicate with each other better Be faced with these problems, I think we teenagers should talk with our parents as much as possible. Faced with these problems, I think we teenagers should talk with our parents as much as possible. 中式英语笑话百出 We can’t ignore our parents’ good. Our parents eat more salt than we. Let them know our mind has what thought. If you don’t want to face to face communicate with your parents… There is generation gap exists in most families. Compared with computer, parents are more important. 句子拖沓 We should communicate with our parents more and more. It can help us know our parents more and more. It also can help our parents know us more and more. When his mother wants to talk with him, what he says is that “Can’t talk now, I’m chatting.” 好句好段欣赏 1. As children, we ought to pay attention to increasing the awareness of communicating with our parents. 三四 蒋凤仙 2. I am opposed to such an attitude towards life. Personally , I strongly believe that a child addicted to communicating online will become less outgoing, thus causing the inner life terrible. Besides, chatting online too much, to a great extent, will lead to “the generation gap”. 三七胡土清 书面表达努力方向 1.字迹卷面清楚 2. 结构清楚：避免文章条理不清。 要有段落（3 4段），不能一段到底。 一段之内及段落之间要有巧妙的连接手段。 3. 语言正确：防范语言失误。 单词拼写不错 词性意识要强 句式运用正确 语言地道：避免中式英语 4. 思维严密：避免逻辑混乱 * * * 阅读下面两篇作文 张怡 童玲 蒋凤仙 黄霞 一目了然，一清二白很重要。 从试卷前面的试题中寻求灵感 Besides, we can tell them about our exciting day at school. 杨乐完型填空 The Internet has become a platform where people are fee to share their opinions, values and experiences. 单项选择5 What is more important for us students, in my point of view, is to share difficulties with our parents rather than talk with strangers online. 杨乐单项选择12 For us students, many problems arise from being addicted to chatting online. 单项选择15 怎 样 让 书 面 表 达 文采飞扬 1. 较高级词汇 2. 丰富的语法结构 3. 恰当的连接词 短语优先,弃旧取新 非 谓 语 各种从句 with复合宾语 倒 装 虚 拟 强调句型 运用多种语法结构，句式灵活多变，可以使文章增色不少。 2. 丰富的语法结构 *