堵车老大难 英语怎么说｜雅思作文批改笔记

交通堵塞在全世界所有城市都是个难题，请分析原因并提出可能的解决措施。

In cities and towns all over the world the high volume of traffic is a problem. What are the causes of this and what actions can be taken to solve this problem?

雅思大作文批改范例 6.0分

01

主体第一段

Traffic jam poses a serious【+negative，要说明白是坏的影响】 effect on social system in cities and towns all over the world.【建议你开头段分开一段说，先是你这句背景陈述，然后概括一下文章，this passage will illustrate the main causes of this phenomenon and provide some feasible suggestions to tackle this problem】 The first reason is urbanization.

As cities are densely populated, 【前后是重复的，而不是as一般意义的前者导致后者，随着城市人口增加，乡下人搬进城市，这句话有点别扭啦。 可以把as从句删掉。】a lot of people from countryside move to modern cities for potential employment, medical welfare and advanced education.

However, the transportation system of plans made by governments cannot keep the pace with the its change, which cause the constant traffic problems we occasionally face on the streets.

02

主体第二段

On the other hand【on the other hand表示的是转折结构，你想表示并列可以用besides等】, as the development of economy, people in majority of countries have more and more money using【money和use之间是被动关系，used更合适】 in consumption.

A large number of them would choose to buy vehicles for convenient and efficient【注意词性的辨析，这里应该接名词，convenience and efficiency】, which result in a steep increase of private cars for decades. Furthermore, obtaining a drive license have became【完成时是become】 easier, which make an increase of drivers that also is a reason for traffic problems nowadays.

03

结尾第三段

From my point of view, I think that there are many solutions to high volume of traffic. First of all, governments should allocate more money to update transportation system so that citizens could choose public transportations, like bus, subway rather than private cars.

And 【and不要直接放在句首连接句子，这样是口语化的的说法，需要furthermore等词语】setting laws to curb private vehicle use is also a wise decision. For example, governments could encourage【前后矛盾了，前面是law，后面是encourage，如果你前面是law，举例子也要举法规而不是鼓励人们做什么】 citizens share private cars, impose high tax on purchase of car【还可以收汽油税】 and make driver license test tougher. All these methods could alleviate traffic pressure.

【建议加一个结尾段总结一下你的观点】

· 写作任务回应：

从文章结构来看，建议你增加一个开头段，背景陈述之后加一句话概括一下全文的内容（reasons and methods），也是对题目更好的回应。

· 连贯与衔接：

1、on the other hand是表示转折结构的，你第二个主体段开头应该使用besides等词语。 2、and不要直接放在句首连接句子，这样是口语化的的说法，需要furthermore等词语

· 词汇与语法：

有一点小的语法问题，比如用错词性，虽然不影响理解但是会造成失分，文章注解都给了相应的修正，请思考错误原因、做出改正、下次注意。

· 提升建议：

1、注意一下IELTS大作文最低字数250字，一般写到270左右为好，字数少了会被认为论述不充分，造成失分。 2、文章最好写成总分总的结构。