14岁修水管铲垃圾 国外“满分高考作文”登纽约时报
每年《纽约时报》都会向美国高中生征集关于工作、金钱、社会阶层等相关话题的大学申请书，然后精挑出5篇最佳“范文”，刊登在其官网上。
今天我们请到美国咨询顾问Jessica Lu来为大家点评《纽约时报》发布的2019最佳文书。
Jessica Lu
必益教育咨询顾问
普林斯顿大学双语毕业生
今年秋季去哈佛法学院深造
1、Plumber 水管工
学生Kelley Schlise，家住威斯康辛州，今年秋季入读威斯康辛麦迪逊大学University of Wisconsin-Madison。
‘Life is a process of accepting the messes and learning to clean them up.’
生活就是一个接受混乱并且学会清理的过程。
Kelley的这篇文书谈到了她身份及成长经历的核心体验。打动人的有她5年的学习过程，她跟她爸爸的关系，还有最重要的一点，令她与众不同的是她做着简单的再平常不过的工作。
有一些传统意义上让人印象很深刻的成就，比如说出色的实习工作、夏令营或者竞赛。但这篇文章没有描述这些，而是有效地展示了学生对自己普通背景的反思和自豪，看完Kelley的文章我们真的感觉像是认识她这个人一样。
精选片段 Chosen Section
I constantly leap over tangled piles of wrenches and extension cords. My mouth and nose are covered by a dust mask; my jeans are smudged with pipe dope, and my hands are blackened with the grime of a hard day’s work. As I observe the chaos around me, chaos rises within me. Nothing is beautiful or tidy; everything I see is ugly. I feel powerless, frustrated and unable to think clearly.
我一次又一次地跳过一堆堆杂乱的扳手和延长线；鼻子和嘴上蒙着厚厚的灰尘；牛仔裤上沾满了管道涂料，双手也因为一整天的辛苦工作而变得黑乎乎的。
我打量着周围的混乱情景，混乱也在我内心升起。什么美丽整齐的东西也没有，眼前的一切都很丑陋。我感到无能为力、灰心丧气、也没法好好思考。
图源：shutterstock
专家点评 From the Expert
This paragraph most clearly describes the difficulty of the student’s plumbing job, both in terms of physical challenges and the emotions she must control. We learn here about the personal strength and persistence that is necessary for 5 summers of working like this, which is something that admissions officers will really value.
这部分的描述让我们看到了一个年轻水管工面临的难度，不仅有身体上的挑战，还有她必须要控制的情绪。连续5年每个夏天都像这样工作，由此可以看出Kelley的个人力量和坚持不懈的毅力，而这正是招生官们真正看重的东西。
Furthermore, as she does throughout the essay, Kelley establishes a comparison between her job and her life in general – sometimes it is hard to see anything positive and nothing seems to make sense in the world. However, it is her job to continue creating order and making something beautiful out of the ugly.
此外，比较贯穿了整篇文章，学生把自己的工作和生活与同龄人作了一个比较- 有时根本看不到任何正能量的东西，感觉什么事情都是没有意义的。但是，在Kelley心中，她明白不断地创造秩序并从丑陋中创造出美好的东西就是她的工作。
2、Kitchen 厨房
学生Victoria Oswald，家在宾夕法尼亚州，今年秋季入读哈佛大学Harvard University。
‘The first thing my Pap said was “Give her a hug, you can’t hurt her now.” ’
爸爸说的第一句话是：“给她一个拥抱吧，现在你不会弄疼她了。”
Victoria的文书讲述了一个非常个人且有力的故事，从她的童年开始，再到她生命中可能是最难的时期，到现在最糟糕的时候已经结束。虽然她在文章中谈到了自己奶奶的去世和其他的重大挑战，但这并没有让人感觉到是在博取同情或引起尴尬。相反，文章一直保持着轻松，甚至幽默的语调。
此外，学生的诚实和接受自己家庭的低收入状况，还有她克服困难的能力，非常令人钦佩。
精选片段 Chosen section
I don’t care that my new life revolves around a holey old couch, a grumpy old man, a couple of fat cats and a bearded dragon. I’m content with my Pap, and I’m content with the fact that every night at 7 p.m., two empty chairs surround my old, dirty, warm-brown dinner table in the darkness of my kitchen. These days, the lights are on in the living room.
我不在乎我的新生活是围着有破洞的旧沙发、一个暴脾气老头、一对肥猫和一只鬃狮蜥。和爸爸在一起，我感到心满意足；每晚7点，昏暗的厨房里，两把空椅子围在脏兮兮的暖棕色餐桌旁，我也很心满意足。这段日子里，房间里的灯都是亮着的。
图源：Wirecutter
专家点评 From the Expert
The conclusion effectively finishes with the metaphor that has repeated throughout the entire essay – the student’s kitchen table representing her center, her identity, and her family. No matter how many chairs are taken away and how dirty or broken it gets, it is always there and always the place she returns to.
最后一段有效地总结了整篇文章中的重复比喻---她的厨房餐桌代表了她的中心、身份以及她的家庭。无论有多少椅子被拿走，也不管它们变得多么脏多么破，它们总是在那儿，回到家就能看到。
In this paragraph, she shows her gratitude in what she has, even though it’s not very much. Her last sentence also demonstrates that she sees that things will be getting better, ending on a hopeful note that inspires the reader.
从这里我们可以看出，虽然Victoria拥有的不多，但她对自己所拥有的东西表达了感激之情。她的最后一句话“这段日子里，房间里的灯都是亮着的。”表明她看到一切都会变得更好，以希望的音符来收尾，也激励了读者。
3、Library 图书馆
Astrid Liden家在明尼苏达州，今年秋季入读哥伦比亚大学Columbia University。
‘When we had nowhere to live, we would spend hours at the library, using what I thought to be the key to the world: library computers.’
当我和妈妈无处可去时，我们总是会去图书馆呆上几个小时。在那里有我认为的连接世界的钥匙：图书馆电脑。
图书馆是一个对学生来说具有特殊意义的地方，这也是一个相当常见的论文主题，Astrid完成地很好，文章很有说服力。
与Victoria的文书一样，这篇文章以图书馆为中心，描述了从童年到近年来学生生活的变化以及母女俩之间发生的事情：借书、在图书馆分别工作和学习、自己最后又成为一个图书管理专员的故事。
这篇文章读下来，我们可以看到Astrid在成长过程中的变化，她还学会了处理一些更加严峻的问题。
精选片段 Chosen section
Sitting behind the service desk today, I see and hear it all: the little girl begging to check out Junie B. Jones, the boys playing Roblox on the computer, the woman filing her taxes, the call from “Sports Guy” asking for the latest results, the woman asking about the weather.
今天坐在服务台后面，我看到并听到很多事：小女孩乞求借出Junie B. Jones，男孩们在电脑上玩Roblox，有个女人在填写税务申报表，喜欢体育的小哥打电话询问最新结果，还有个女人在询问天气。
Hopkins Library
专家点评 From the Expert
The essay has two important transitions: the first is when the student’s mother started going to the library with her, marking her mother’s unemployment, and the second is when the student transitions from a library patron to a worker behind the desk.
本文有两个重要的转变：1，Astrid的妈妈和她一起去图书馆，标志了她母亲的失业。2，Astrid以前是图书馆的客人，现在是图书管理专员。
This paragraph shows the second, and is an effective and interesting switch to talk about the student’s current priorities, which is to do work that is meaningful to her and help others who could be in similar situations to her own.
我选的这段讲述了学生当前的工作，对Astrid来说这份工作是有意义的，可以帮助那些可能和她处于类似情况的人。这是一个十分有趣的转变。
4、Washing Dishes洗盘子
Mark Garcia家住洛杉矶，今年秋季入读西洛杉矶学院West Los Angeles College。
与以上3篇文书不同，Mark的这篇文章更多地关注特定时刻还有一些回忆。学生很好地运用了讲故事和对话的方式，让我们脑海中浮现出一张学生“挑灯夜读”的图片，让读者领会到了他的奋斗、努力和决心。
最后，尽管经济困难，Mark还是谈到了自己的背景和他对自己家庭的骄傲。
精选片段 Chosen section
“No more broken plates, you understand?”
I could make little sense of the broken English that spat from his mouth but his scrunched-up face spoke a universal language. It was a Friday night in Little Tokyo, and while families were eating five-star meals in the front dining room, a 14-year-old boy was in the back washing their dishes.
“不可以再打破盘子了，你听到了吗？”
我几乎听不懂从他嘴里吐出来的零碎的英文单词，但是从他蜷缩起来的脸上可以看出他是在讲一种通用的语言。这是在小东京的一个星期五晚上，当别的家庭正坐在餐厅享用五星级的饭菜，有一个14岁的男孩就在后面洗碗。
风雨哈佛路剧照
专家点评 From the Expert
This is a very strong beginning to the essay, in which the student tells us a vivid memory. He describes characters and setting just as in a story, and begins with a line that immediately catches our attention.
文章的开头便是一个生动的回忆。学生描述的角色和背景就跟在讲故事一样，所以一开始就吸引了读者的注意力。
His use of descriptions such as “spat from his mouth” and “scrunched-up face” effectively conveys the supervisor’s anger and makes us feel empathy. His observation that families were eating expensive meals while a teenager was cleaning their dishes is also a deeper comment on socioeconomic inequality.
“吐出来”和“蜷缩的脸”等描述语非常生动形象地表现了酒店主管的愤怒，令读者产生同理心。其他家庭正在吃昂贵的饭菜，而这位青少年正在清洗他们的碗碟，鲜明的对比揭示了社会经济不平等，引发思考和讨论。
5、Garbage trucks 垃圾车
Andy Patriquin家在圣地亚哥，今年秋季入读雷德兰兹大学University of Redlands。
对于招生官来说，Andy的这篇文章会是一个十分有趣的读物，因为学生谈论的是一种非常独特的激情，以及它如何定义了他迄今为止的选择和经验。
夏天他去做垃圾收集者的工作经验可能让他不会在简历上令人刮目相看，但他的文章描述中给了我们更多关于他的个性和动机的信息。
此外，除了谈论垃圾车之外，他还把它和更大的废物和环境问题联系起来，提到了土木工程等潜在的利益。
精选片段 Chosen section
The trash itself was a lens through which I saw what was going on in Chatham. I saw American flags and spent fireworks on the 5th of July. The worst stops of the day were the dumpsters at fish piers, which had a stronger stench than the Chatham Transfer Station, an industrial building where we dumped the day’s load before it was transported to a landfill miles away. At one boat fabrication shop, a dangerous combination of sawdust and reactive chemicals caused a small fire in the truck.
垃圾本身就是一个透镜，通过这些垃圾我可以看到在Chatham发生了什么。七月五日我看到美国的国旗和放过的烟花。那天糟糕的停靠点是钓鱼码头的垃圾箱，散发着一股恶臭，比Chatham中转站的气味还要强烈。
Chatham中转站是一个工业建筑，把垃圾运输到数英里之外的填埋场之前我们会把当天的垃圾都倒在那里。在一家船屋制造车间，锯末和反应性化学品的危险组合导致卡车发生轻微火灾。
YouTube
专家点评 From the Expert
It is already very interesting that a student would voluntarily choose to be a garbage collector, especially on a day after a national holiday. But what he learns through this experience makes the essay even more unique – unlike the usual summer vacations, he learns about a new place and potential environmental damage through sorting other people’s trash.
一个学生自发地去做垃圾收集者已经非常有趣了，而且还是在国庆节的第二天。Andy从这次经历中学到的东西令他这篇文章更加独特 - 与我们通常认为的暑假不同，他通过分类别人的垃圾来了解新的地方和潜在的环境破坏。
In the essay, the student realizes that he is lucky to not need to be a permanent garbage collector, but he believes he can learn a lot from this experience nevertheless.
在Andy的文章中，可以看出他知道自己很幸运，他不是必须要做一个垃圾收集者，他未来还有其他的职业选择，但他始终知道无论自己以后从事什么工作，他都会从这次经历学到很多。